THE DISCORDIAN MESSENGER The Official Journal of the Ryerson Alliance of Pagans VOL. 1. ISSUE 3. YULE 1998 "The Discordian Messenger" will be the official journal of the alliance, and will carry the status of the Alliance as we go from non-existant to gaining those 20 people we need! We want your input, articles, poems and anything else you wish to contribute. (Recipes are welcome also!) Just send them via e-mail to ryeap@fcmail.com Full credit will be given, unless you request to remain anonymous. PLEASE NOTE that this journal will appear on our web site, so if you wish to remain anonymous outside the Alliance, let us know. All submissions must be submitted no later than the 10th of the month. ************** JOURNAL BLESSING Harken as the written word calls the lady and the lord. Moon above and earth below, yule shall come, and yule shall go. It is right and ready hour, fill these pages with thy power. Angels above as so below, pagans read and nourish so. Guardians from the four Directions hear me and lend they protection: may these truths of Earth and Skies shielded be from prying eyes. This journal shall carry the truth alone, and anyone else can go far from home. Through all the coming ages, may we find home in these pages. So mote it be! ************* MESSAGE FROM THE ELECTED ONE Here we are. The sun still rises above us, and sets below us. The moon still revolves around the earth, and our dear earth, still revolves around the sun. Not much has changed as we go in to this holiday season. Matthew Shepard won't be with the world. His life was taken in October. The world seems to have forgotten about him. Any changes that might haveoccurred, have passed us by. Lost in the general election in the United States. No word from the big buildings at Queen's Park, or from the hill in Ottawa. We are going in to the holiday season not being a recognized campus group, however, we also go in to the season with many people who are willing to support our cause, and somewonderful volunteers who are going to make this group work, no matter recognition or not. We have done some remarkable work already. "If every day was Christmas If we could make believe If everyone would care a little more There'd be harmony" -Carnie & Wendy Wilson "Hey Santa!" I want to extend a personal thank-you to everyone for their effort and great work on forming the Alliance. I hope everyone has a great Yule, Happy Holidays, and we will see everyone in the new year. Walk in love, harmony, and light this season. The Elected One. ************** HUMOUR Q. What do you get if you cross an M&M with the Wicked Witch of the West? A. Someone you can only melt in your mouth. Q. What is a male honeybee's favorite magickal item? A. The caul-drone. Q. What is a Greek Witch's favorite snack? A. Pan pizza Q. What do you call 13 Witches in a hot tub? A. A Self-Cleaning Coven. The top 10 signs that you're becoming a "Fluff Bunny" Pagan: 10. You have more crystals in your house than furniture. 9. The image of the Goddess on your altar is the latest Barbie Doll. 8. You have pink satin pentagram pillows all over your house. 7. You greet fellow Pagans with "Rainbow Bright-Blessings!" 6. Your Tarot cards have pictures of puppies and kittens on the back side. 5. You use your Majorette Twirling Baton as your athame. 4. You have a stuffed "Fenris Wolf" plush toy on your bed. 3. You continuously toss your head and shriek "Oh, my Goddess!" 2. You think that "C & A" stands for "Cookies and Apple Juice." 1. Instead of ritually invoking the God and Goddess you invoke Barney and Baby Bop. "This is Barney of Borg. I love you and you love me. Resistance is futile." -SourceUnknown ***** MOVIE REVIEW ***** Beautiful Thing brings a tear to your eye. "A 'Romeo and Juliet' for the heterosexually impaired... brilliantly touching and funny..." wrote Brandon Judell of Detour Magazine. If you want to get away from the winter blah's, or just want something to rent over the holiday season, rent this flick! The movie "Beautiful Thing" takes place in Thamesmead which is in South London, England. Jamie Gengel (played by Glen Barry) is missing school more than usual lately, hiding his pain by watching TV in his Thamesmead estate where he lives with his mother Sandra. Leah lives next door, and has been kicked out of school and spends her days obsessed with Mama Cass. Also in the same block is Jamie's classmate Ste (played by Scott Neal), sporty and athletic, but who nevertheless receives regular beatings from his father and brother. Late one night, to escape the pain and suffering of his family, Ste takes refuge in Sandra's flat, and sleeps head to toe with Jamie. Sandra strives for job promotion and keeping her hippy 27 year old boyfriend Tony. Jamie and Ste gradually discover their affection for each other. Before I saw this video, it was explained to me as a "gay classic". This is one film where there isn't any gay bashing, and the two are allowed to sort out their own feelings for each other, although there isn't much support for a closeted gay teen. It is heart warming, and you will likely walk away with tears in your eyes. Rating: 14A ***** and two thumps up! *************** WEB MATTERS by Webcrafter We are fortunate to have a very... diverse... web site. It is constantly evolving and changing. Not is it only home to this journal, it houses several other items, and has a wonderful array of links. We are proud to present the "Pagan Essay Series". This is either a collection of essays housed by us, or links to essays on the net, which are vital to pagans attending University. We hope to publish a few of those essays in upcoming editions of "The Discordian Messenger". We also have a "Pagan Info" area and "Pagan Links", plus the usual information on our Alliance. I think my favourite area, is the "Campaigns". This shows our support to various anti-hate organizations. It is currently in test mode, but hopefully starting the next edition, we will be publishing our journal using Adobe Acrobat. To download a copy of the plug in for either Netscape or Microsoft Internet Explorer go to http://www.adobe.com/acrobat/ We need your feedback, as we are considering publishing solely using the .pdf Acrobat format, instead of text. The bottom line: I am hoping our web site will go far, and if anyone would like to contribute, or have any input, just send us some e-mail. *************** FEATURE ARTICLE ONLINE ORDINATION by Leslie Gornstein (leslie_gornstein@link.freedom.com) of the Orange County Register (permission pending) Praise be! The Universal Life Church offers a downloadable divinity certificate. December 1, 1998 Dear Mr. Wart-head Heathen Ignoramus (yes, you): I just got your unbelievably snotty E-mail. The one where you struggle to discredit my column-writing while misspelling the word "you." I am writing to tell you that you can't talk to me that way anymore. I am now an ordained minister. Of the Church of the Digitally Enhanced, to be exact. Because I'm feeling pretty forgiving and a bit pressured to fill this entire page with newsprint within the hour I'll fill you in. Early last week, I found myself feeling surly and dejected. I had just foraged through the Web site of some perv who had autopsied his new Furby toy (www.phobe.com/furby), skinning the wee dolly and reducing it to a knot of plastic eyeballs and wires. The Internet, it seemed, had reached its nadir. What cyberspace needed was its own minister of mercy. My next stop: the Universal Life Church's online outpost. If you're not familiar with the church and that wouldn't surprise me, moleman here's a history according to newspaper accounts: The ULC was founded in 1962 by illiterate homebuilder Kirby J. Hensley. Cowed by what he saw as a misdirected, hypocritical world of organized religion, Hensley kicked off his own revival. First, he proclaimed himself a bishop. Then he started offering certificates of ordination to anyone even animals without charge and without question from his Modesto home. Messianic Jews, Wiccans, Nihilists, Baptists. Beliefs didn't matter. The church would ordain anyone, and in California that meant that anyone who wrote to the ULC could marry couples or perform baptisms. It also spurred first thousands, then millions, to apply. And for a while, the ULC's openness also inspired people nationwide to sign up as a way to try to dodge property taxes or the Vietnam draft, mostly without success. Cut to 1994. Enter ULC minister and Internet visionary Daniel Zimmerman of Tucson, who describes himself as being 355 pounds and "the dust of the ground." "I am a minister of you," he said. "If you are a Satanist, I am a Satanist; if you are Jewish, I am Jewish; if you are a Baptist, I am a Baptist. "I decided we needed a Web site," he said. And so it came to pass that Web surfers could get their ordination online, by simply entering their names, E-mail addresses and mailing addresses. Up would pop a certificate of ordination, good for downloading or printing. Instantly. Before long, the ULC was fielding 2,000 to 3,000 requests a day. And the church saw that it was good. "This is just another option for people," said ULC board member and office manager Andre Hensley. Holy titles, including saint or monsignor, are also available, starting at $5. Before the Web site came along, the church knew of 16 million ordained reverends. (That's my new title reverend. Start practicing.) Now, thanks in no small part to the Net's relative speed and endless reach, the church can't say exactly how many ministers it has. Which means, why yes! I am holier than thou! Those of us in California don't even need to register with the state to do good works. Though, if a ULC minister performs a marriage, the couple must still get a license. For the ULC, the benefits of the Internet don't stop with instant members. According to Zimmerman, Kirby Hensley, now 87, is "very ill" and wouldn't mind a well-wishing E-mail or two. Granted, he won't be able to read it, but someone will read it to him, Zimmerman said. Try the bishop at ulcHQ@aol.com Zimmerman said he had never given out the address to headquarters before and doesn't know how many well-wishing missives have arrived thus far. But, if my new spiritual vibrations serve, he should get quite a few. Meanwhile, there's my new sect, dedicated to serving our digital alter egos fictional chat-room characters, avatars and other technological by-products. Should any such people er, creatures? desire to marry or baptize a little sprout, I heartily volunteer. E-mail me at the address above. Just watch your language. You're talking to a holy woman. Leslie P.S. Hey! Just got an E-mail from Zimmerman. Liked the interview so much that he's making me a saint for free. Kissing the hems of my Levis will no longer be discouraged. *************** CANDLE BAN The latest from the front lines "So far for this year, candles won't be banned. This is because the Fire Safety Committee decided that it was too complicated to implement for next semester" Liza Nassim, the Housing Manager, told our editor. "I will be looking at all possible solutions, to come up with a working policy. This is because for things like you say, the Multifaith room is not accessible to everyone. We will be looking at options such as candle permits for individual rooms to a room specifically for candles. We will also be seeing what other Universities are doing" "I think this is great news" said The Elected One. "This show's the University's commitment to religious tolerance, and it shows that they do in deed, respect the various religions on campus" The Elected One, along with others who provided feedback to Nassim and the Fire Safety Committee, will be sitting down to talk with Nassim, to help create the working policy. *************** SONGS & POEMS WICCAN AMAZING GRACE -from Margot Adler Amazing grace, how sweet the earth That formed a witch like me I once was burned, but now I thrive Was hanged but now I sing T'was grace that drew down the moon And grace that raised the sea The magick of the people's will Will set our Mother free! Amazing grace, how sweet the earth That formed a witch like me I once was burned, but now I thrive Was hanged but now I sing THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE DISCORDIANS -Revised by Jeremy Daniel Buhler (Tune: "The Battle Hymn Of The Republic") Now, the Gods they threw a party In one thousand-odd B.C. They invited every goddess 'Cept Discordia, all but She So She rolled a golden apple Thereby starting a melee Her apple corps is strong! Grand and gory, hail Discordia! Grand and gory, hail Discordia! Grand and gory, hail Discordia! Her apple corps is strong! Though the Romans dubbed Her Eris And the Brits yclept Her Strife She is still the same Discordia - Chaos' spawn, and Murphy's wife And the mortal who ignores Her Courts the peril of his life Her apple corps is strong! She's the Goddess of Uncertainty - The Mother of all Doubt But Her influence is one thing Physics cannot do without In the halls of academia The quantum theorists shout "Her apple corps is strong!" She's the strangest of attractors And a fractious, fractal minx There is madness to Her method And a twist to how She thinks Lorenz, Mandelbrot, and Julia Could not divine Her kinks Her apple corps is strong! I have seen the works of Eris In our citadels and camps For the world, now more than ever, Seems to bear Her special stamp Which is why I think Discordians Will soon emerge the champs Our apple corps is strong! CHORUS (revised): Grand and gory, hail Discordia! Grand and gory, hail Discordia! Grand and gory, hail Discordia! Our apple corps is strong! YULE: MAKE BELIEVE Caring a little more for perfect harmony. Hoping he will come to me during this holiday. By the fireside I dream, that we could all get along; dream share joy but it doesn't mean a thing unless we all sing, to do our part for perfect harmony. ************** THE OTHER FILES Last minute info that didn't fit anywhere else 1) For anyone who wasn't aware, Matthew Shepard is up for Time's distinguished "Man of the Year" for 1998. You can vote at their web site http://cgi.pathfinder.com/time/moy/index.html 2) Ryerson Security has received several complaints with regards to threats being sent via e-mail. If you do receive one of these, please notify Ryerson Security, and the Office of Harassment and Discrimination Prevention Services. 3) If anyone is interested, the Alliance is looking for poster designs, promoting religioustolerance on campus, perhaps stating that all religions are correct for the practioner. With hope, we will produce these with the Office of Harassment, Equity, Safety and Discrimination Prevention Services. More then one design is encouraged. *************** RECIPES Title: English Toffee Categories: Candies, Desserts Yield: 30 servings 1 1/2 c BUTTER 2 c SUGAR 2 tb WATER 1/8 ts SALT 12 oz CHOCOLATE CHIPS, SEMISWEET 2 c CHOPPED WALNUTS IN A HEAVY 3 TO 4 QUART SAUCE PAN, OVER MEDIUM HEAT, MELT BUTTER. STIR IN SUGAR, WATER, AND SALT. COOK AND STIR UNTIL SUGAR IS DISSOLVED. INSERT CANDY THERMOMETER AND CONTINUE TO COOK UNTIL THERMOMETER REACHES 290 DEG F. POUR MIXTURE ONTO GREASED 10 X 15 JELLY ROLL PAN AND SPREAD EVENLY TO EDGES OF PAN. COOL AT ROOM TEMPERATURE. IN A DOUBLE BOILER, OVER SIMMERING WATER, MELT CHOCOLATE. SPREAD HALF THE CHOCOLATE OVER THE TOFFEE. SPRINKLE WITH HALF THE NUTS. WHEN COOL, TURN TOFFEE OUT ONTO WAXED PAPER. COAT REMAINING SIDE WITH CHOCOLATE AND NUTS. LET COOL. WHEN CHOCOLATE IS HARDENED, BREAK CANDY INTO PIECES AND STORE IN AIR TIGHT CONTAINER. ----- Title: Peanut Butter Balls Categories: Candies, Desserts, Snacks Yield: 40 servings 1/2 c BUTTER 2 c PEANUT BUTTER 3 c RICE KRISPIES 16 oz POWDERED SUGAR 12 oz CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN A LARGE SAUCE PAN, MELT BUTTER. STIR IN PEANUT BUTTER AND COOK UNTIL SMOOTH. STIR IN CEREAL AND CONFECTIONERS SUGAR. FORM INTO BALLS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A WALNUT. IN A MICROWAVE OR OVER HOT WATER IN A DOUBLE BOILER, MELT CHOCOLATE CHIPS. DIP BALLS INTO CHOCOLATE THREE OR FOUR TIMES TO COAT WELL. PLACE ON WAXED PAPER TO COOL. STORE IN AIR TIGHT CONTAINER. MAKES ABOUT 40 CANDIES. *************** QUOTABLES A forum for minority issue or social aware quotes. "Life's not worth a damn,'Till you can say, 'Hey, world, I am what I am!'" -La Cage AuxFolles "No power in the universe, can hope to stop the force of evolution." -Cmdr. Riker, "Angel One", ST:TNG "To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." -Gandhi *************** CREDITS & STUFF The Discordian Messenger is published monthly, and is sent out via our web site and our electronic mailing list on or around the 15th of each month. It is authorized for publication by the Guardian of Public Affairs. For further information on The Discordian Messenger, please send electronic mail to ryeap@fcmail.com The Discordian Messenger is © copyright 1998 by the Ryerson Alliance of Pagans. All Rights Reserved. Permission must be granted IN WRITING by both the author and the Alliance for permission to reproduce an article from this publication.